Coming to terms with what happened and finding a better way

Much as you might want to, you can't change what has happened in the past.

What you can change is your relationship with what happened. This can bring you more peace, greater calm, and more joy in your life.

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again – Maya Angelou

I take my clients through a process where, gently and respectfully, I ask them questions like:

• What is your story, or your narrative, or what happened to you?
• How has this affected your life?
• Is this story, or narrative, working for you?
• If it is working for you, what is it helping you with? What does it give you?
• If it is not working for you, is there a new story you would like more? What is your new story?

True freedom – thriving –is accepting the reality of what happened, and moving beyond the fear, anger, or shame that might have affected your thoughts, actions (sleep, eating etc) and peace of mind.

True freedom is having a story, or relationship with what happened, that can contribute to your life in positive and enriching ways.

This is what I can facilitate for you with ease and with grace. My work is in making your journey easier, lighter and faster. What I provide is the reassurance, guidance and emotional sustenance.

What I facilitate for you is both a conscious, and a subconscious process. It is experiential, and not merely an intellectual. Whilst there are similarities, I will also tell you that the process is different for each person, because each person is different. But it is always, gentle, safe and honouring of your experience, whilst allowing something to shift deeply, and profoundly.

To return to the outline of the healing process, click here.

Well Wishes,

Michelle Soo

ph: 0403 798 963

email: michelle@theinnerlife.org

website: www.theinnerlife.org

Emotional Stress Release

After any stressful or crisis experience, you can continue to carry the emotional stress with you, even after some time. This might be on a conscious, subconscious. This emotional stress can manifest in a physical level: in your cells, muscles, spines, glands, reproductive organs, and more.

The mind and the body are connected. For example, if you are sad or depressed (emotion), this is what might happen: your shoulders slump (muscles), your immune system is depressed (biochemistry), your appetite changes (brain and nervous system), your metabolism changes (hormones/biochemistry) and your breathing becomes shallow (organ/nervous system). Scientific research is only slowly and gradually picking up on how emotions affect our physicality: our biochemistry, anatomy, physiology and histology.

I've worked with many clients who continue to hold emotional stress in their bodies even decades after the sexual assault. At first glance, these clients look like everyone else, like you and me. Some of them were aware of the emotional stress they held in their bodies, some of them were not. But all of them felt much lighter and more relieved after that stress was released.

Releasing the emotional stress surrounding that incident means that you can be more present, relaxed and at ease – even when you think back to that incident.

How can I facilitate this for you? I use modalities like acupressure, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), counselling, flower essences and more. My approach is collaborative. I might be 'doing things to you' with these modalities, but I will also be engaging you in your own healing. I will be connecting you with your own resources, strength and wisdom - either on a conscious or a subconscious level - so that you are also an agent in your own healing.

To return to the outline of the healing process, click here.

To view the article on the next step of the healing process, click here.

Well Wishes,

Michelle Soo

ph: 0403 798 963

email: michelle@theinnerlife.org

website: www.theinnerlife.org

Soothing survival reactions that can linger for years after sexual assault

This is what a survival reaction feels like: you have a very strong emotional reaction, and you can’t think logically or problem solve even though you really want to. You feel physical and emotional tension. For some of you, this might be an ongoing experience, so much so that you “get used to it.”

It’s much more than an emotional stress. It’s a programmed, survival instinct.

This is the science behind a survival reaction. It is a reaction your brain develops, during a time of crisis to help you survive from a perceived (physical or emotional) threat. This happens in your amygdala, a part of your brain. When the amygdala, or the survival reaction becomes dominant, live MRI scans show that the blood flow to various parts of your brain significantly decreases. This includes the logical, problem-solving and associative parts of your brain - which means you have less function in those areas. This is why you experience a very strong emotional reaction, but you can't think through to a solution. Your brain simply isn't working that way.

Even when the time of crisis has passed, the survival reaction can still linger, consciously or subconsciously. As a result, you are still posed to deal with a danger that, in reality, might not be present at the time.

You might have heard of the survival reactions of fight or flight. These are some of the survival reactions I have identified with clients who are recovering from sexual assault:

• It is not safe to be me
• Other people are not safe (or it’s not safe to be with other people)
• The world is not safe (so I have to hide, or I have to brace myself and just keep going)
• The pleasure of being me is not for me
• The pleasure of people (companionship, relationship, intimacy) is not for me
• Life is about pain / Love is pain
• I am angry with myself, or others
• It’s not safe for me to confront the issue within myself / It’s safer for me to ignore my feelings about being sexually assaulted
• It’s my fault, therefore I must behave in a (different) way now

You can also have survival reactions around dealing with the emotional pain of the experience. I hear my clients say:

• ‘It feels too raw and vulnerable. I can’t deal with it.’
• ‘It feels too awful. I’m better off not thinking about it so I can move on.’
• ‘It is not safe for me to show that I carry this hurt, this wound’

These survival reactions are easily identified with muscle-testing. I then use a process of counselling, acupressure, neuro-linguistic programming, and more, to shift them.

The result? You get your brain back, in a sense, so you have more freedom, and resources, to take the next healing step.

This is what my clients tell me after they have gone through this process:

‘I feel more at peace.’

‘I’m more relaxed. I’m not worrying as much.’

‘I wouldn’t have called it before you identified it (the survival reaction), but now that it’s gone, I feel so much calmer.’

Once survival reactions have been switched off, you can continue with the process of recovery without being overwhelmed, or blocked by survival reactions.

To return to the outline of the healing process, click here.

To view the article on the next step of the healing process, click here.

Well Wishes,

Michelle Soo

ph: 0403 798 963

Choosing your healing outcome: There's more to it than surviving

Setting an intention, or a goal, focuses your energy and attention toward the desired outcome. This is why I encourage you to choose your healing outcome wisely.

If you were to choose between surviving and thriving, which would you choose?

To survive is to continue to be alive in spite of an ordeal like sexual assault. You might 'move on,' but you have never quite recovered. There’s still a part of you that is damaged, however big or small, conscious or subconscious. Part of you is still wounded, and you are still carrying that old hurt.

To thrive is to grow and develop well, to prosper and flourish even after an ordeal like sexual assault. What if you grow and develop from the ordeal of sexual assault, so that you have more strength, depth and grace? And a quality of life that is similar, if not better, than the one you had before you were sexually assaulted?

I find that most of my clients choose to thrive.

Does this mean you can erase the sexual assault from your experience, or your memory? No.

‘Recovery does not mean that you forget what happened. Instead, recovery is being able to understand and believe that the victimization was not your fault. Recovery is accepting the reality of what has happened, while moving beyond the immobilizing emotions which can dominate your thoughts, words, and actions. […] Recovery is being able to enjoy sleeping, eating, and sexual pleasures as you did before the assault. Recovery is being able to trust and believe in your choices and own judgments.’ Turning Point Services

I couldn’t have put it better myself. I would also add that there can be:

• A greater sense of peace
• A sense of wholeness, and completion within yourself - even with the hurt, shame or anger you might have experienced
• A better way of being with the vulnerability you might experience

When we can more fully embody this, we can then enjoy:

• True strength and resilience in our heart and spirit
• Fuller, more intimate, and more enjoyable relationships with friends, lovers or partners
• Real freedom from the fear, anger, and shame.
• A deeper ability to give and receive love

I know this is possible because I have done this work for many clients. I have also gone through this process myself. And these are the outcomes I facilitate for my clients.

To return to the outline of the healing process, click here.

To view the article on the next step of the healing process, click here.

Well Wishes,

Michelle Soo

ph: 0403 798 963

email: michelle@theinnerlife.org

website: www.theinnerlife.org

The Healing Process for Sexual Assault: An Introduction

I worked with hundreds of clients who had been sexually assaulted when I was a social worker. We called them ‘survivors.’ In clinic today, as a Wellbeing Therapist, I continue to work with women, and men, who have experienced sexual assault at some point in their lives.

I do not call them 'survivors' any more. Frankly, I don’t like the term ‘survivor.’ For me, it implies that you never quite get over something. You might 'move on,' but you have never quite recovered. There’s still a part of you that is damaged, however big or small, conscious or subconscious. Part of you is still wounded, and you are still carrying that old hurt.

I acknowledge that this is true for many 'survivors.' However, I believe that there is something more to be had in the process of recovery and beyond. This is explained in more detail in this other article.

Here is an outline of the process I facilitate for my clients who want to do more than just survive - for those who want to thrive and have much more joy, peace and love in their lives.

Outline of Healing Process for Sexual Assault:

1. Choosing your healing outcome: There's more to it than surviving - click here
2. Soothing primal survival reactions - click here
3. Emotional Stress Release - click here
4. Coming to terms with what happened and finding a better way - click here
5. (Case Studies)

It is widely acknowledged that the process of recovery takes time, commitment and persistence. For many people, it is a long and emotional journey. What I offer is the support for this journey. I can also shortcut the process so that you struggle less, save time, and enjoy even more of life sooner.

Like any new skill, recovering and thriving after sexual assault is not something you might be born knowing how to do. You can learn and do it by trial and error. If this is what you choose, please make sure you have a good support network. Or you can choose to work with an experienced professional like me. I've worked with many people and helped them thrive, and be free, after sexual assault.

Whichever way you choose, or whatever action you take, I hope this information has been useful for you, and that the journey is a fruitful one for you.

Well Wishes,

Michelle Soo

ph: 0403 798 963

www.theinnerlife.org

There's more to it than surviving

For many people, sexual assault is one of the most traumatic events in their lives. It can change you. The process of recovery is a long one for many people, if they do indeed recover.

I worked with hundreds of women who were sexually assaulted when I was a social worker. We called them ‘survivors.’

In clinic now, as a Wellbeing Therapist, I have continued working with women, and men, who have experienced sexual assault at some point in their lives - ‘survivors.’

Frankly, I don’t like the term ‘survivor.’ It implies that you never quite get over something. You might move on, but you have never quite recovered. There’s still a part of you that is damaged, however big or small. Part of you is still wounded, and you are still carrying that old hurt.

I acknowledge that this is true for many survivors. However, I believe that there is something more to be had in the process of recovery.

This is how one sexual assault recovery service describes recovery:

‘Recovery does not mean that you forget what happened. Instead, recovery is being able to understand and believe that the victimization was not your fault. Recovery is accepting the reality of what has happened, while moving beyond the immobilizing emotions which can dominate your thoughts, words, and actions. […] Recovery is being able to enjoy sleeping, eating, and sexual pleasures as you did before the assault. Recovery is being able to trust and believe in your choices and own judgments.’ Turning Point Services

I couldn’t have put it better myself. I would also add that there can be:

• A greater sense of peace
• A sense of wholeness, and completion within yourself - even with the hurt, shame or anger you might have experienced
• A better way of being with the vulnerability you might experience

When we can more fully embody this, we can then enjoy:

• True strength and resilience in our heart and spirit
• Fuller, more intimate, and more enjoyable relationships with friends, lovers or partners
• Real freedom from the fear, anger, and shame.
• A deeper ability to give and receive love

I know this is possible because I have done this work for many clients. I have also gone through this process myself.

This is why I am uncomfortable with the term ‘survivor.’ Because I know there is so much more to life than just surviving. If you could choose between:

• Surviving (definition: to continue to be alive in spite of an ordeal)
• Thriving (definition: to grow and develop well, to prosper and flourish)

Which would you choose?

What if you grow and develop from your experience as a ‘survivor’ to have more strength, depth and grace? To have a quality of life even better than what you had before you were sexually assaulted?

This is the work that I do with clients recovering from sexual assault, and the outcomes that I facilitate.

It is widely acknowledged that the process of recovery takes time, commitment and persistence. For many people, it is a long and emotional journey. What I offer the support for this journey. I can also shortcut the process so that you struggle less, save time, and enjoy even more of life sooner.

Like any new skill, recovering and thriving after sexual assault is not something you might be born knowing how to do. You can learn and do it by trial and error. If this is what you choose, please make sure you have a good support network. Or you can choose to work with someone like me – an experienced professional who has also gone through the experience herself.

To find out more about how I work with sexual assault, please watch out for my next article.

Whichever way you take, or whatever action you adopt, I hope this information has been useful for you, and that the journey is a fruitful one for you.

Well Wishes,

Michelle

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Find out more about Michelle

Find out more about healing sessions with Michelle

If you would like to arrange a session with Michelle in Melbourne, email michelle@theinnerlife.org or call her on 0403 798 963.